Alea iacta est

It's finally here, the wailing update! For a while now I've been feeling pretty bad here, since the other guys are always watching movies or something together and I'm never invited. I've hoped, already in the last course, that it's because I live here in isolation in upper most room. However, none other living here has any problems, so it's me. I got to say I'm really hurt I'm never invited. First I thought it was onlybecause you should be in the kitchen and they invite everyone there, but one time I and other guy were in kitchen and he got invitation, not I. I went there any way, and it was quite shit. Horrible being somewhere where you haven't been invited.



Last week we did a trip to Campania. It was exhausting. First it was shit, then fine, then again shit. Why can't it be shit all the time, so I could just give up?! We had to live 3 persons in one room, 2 in another. What a surprise, I was isolated with that weird girl, who isn't any way more weird than I, but I still want better, I deserve all I can get. I thought they should've ask us what we want to do, but of course if they want to be together, they should. In Naples we were isolated from others in another corridor, and I was so scared we wouldn't be asked to do anything with them. But at Salerno we were opposite the boys, and still they climed to upper floor to be with the other girls without knocking our door. We were the "good girls", who shouldn't be messing with the others.



Yesterday we made plans in Capitolium museums to meet at 1 pm to have lunch. Us two waited 20 minutes, when I got an sms to say they went to lunch and if we wanted we should follow them. I "knew" (in my sick mind) that there was something afoot, but the other girl, so innocent, didn't think anything weird and wanted to follow. Apparently they'd being eating quite a while when we got there, the one girl just said oh, sorry about that. Fucking cunts. And yesterday they went all out to eat together, without us two, and today to see the new pope. I think at least the pope is so big a deal they should've asked us.




The problem with the other girl is, that she, for some reason, when we stand in a circle, moves in fornt of me, pushing me out of the circle. I don't know if the others even notice it, at least no one does anything. I could always try to find a new hole to go into, but that would mean I should bring something to the ring, but I just take. I can't speak. Now maybe I should abandon any hopes I've had about getting friends and start living full life alone. But yet I rather stay here than go back home being totally alone. Here at least some people say chiao for me.



Weather isn't really cheering me up. First picture is from trip back from Etruria, second a picture from my room, third is from Cosa, and last, a little sunshine, from Ravello in Amalfi coast.