Anger management... and a wee bit of luuv

Gosh I was angry on Wednesday! The reason for this: unbearable disappointment and feel of rejection. I've been asking my sister to go to abroad with me for years, but she never has money. When I finally got our mother to understand that my head's blowing if I don't get a holiday, she promised to give money to her. But apparently travelling with your sister requires a sister fee, 'bout 10 000 €. (yes, and mother disappointed me too, promising to go before christmas, at christmas and after, lying of course). And now my sister had the nerve ask me to meet her so she can tell me about her plans to go travelling with her friend! As I've always said, if you want to do something, money or time is no object. She ovbiously didn't want to go with me but was too scared to say it to my face. I've heard this before, from my friends. Maybe I'm a little fiery when angered, but I would think it's much better to face little anger now than torture the other sometimes for years, because the anger will only grow. One thing I can't stand is cowardice, especially if people lie about you behing your back when they are too scared to speak their own mind. (Thank you Eveliina for destroying my friendships, place in our student union and my self confidence, still hasn't recovered). Cunts.

So I decided to take a break from people, at least for 2 weeks. And I WILL GO on our break week at the beginning of march. SO MAKE SURE I GO! If you want to do something, you have to do it yourself. Fuck others. I just saw a "good" friend. She said to me, we should meet someday of some coffee or something. I replied (of course behind her back cause I'm a coward) Yeah right, I'm sure.



Back to the real subject of my writing. I watched today Los Serranos tv-series, and was stunned by the happiness I felt while listening it's theme uno mas uno son siete. That was really happy summer when I listened it for the first time. Too bad I couldn't remember the year. Is it so long since I've had a happy summer? Another thing: I listened today some Phantom of the Opera music, and then I listened the song All I ask of you. Oh My God! ven greater memories. I've probably told about the one boy on my class. This is what happened: I listened this song at home, nad then left to the party of his. There one girl sung quietly a song, which I recognised as being the phantom. I of course joined, not very wel because I didn't know the lyrics. We went to a bar and came back, me sleeping at his place, ON THE SOFA, you perverts! Then I walked home in slush and sung All I ask of you, and then I walked back to city centre to buy eye shadow to my sister which I had broken. Never did I knew he would call me the next day... But anywho, I have really warm feelings towards that song than I had when I fell in love with it the first time.
Am I or am I not manic-depressive?!!!



Raoul, way more macho than that cape guy!

birthday update

Now it's time for that "cheer" birthday update. I wrote another, but it was so morbid and awful and stuff that I deleted it. Unfortunately I don't feel so light any more... Quite bored actually. I've had my bithday dress, which I bought on Friday, on the whole day. It's made of lace, and I thought it was grey until I put my grey tights on. Now it's grey blue. It's nice and short, but unfortunatelly it's size 42, that is far too big. In the shop it was ok, but now it makes me look soo fat. It's so loose that it doesn't even make a cleavage, an effect I badly need. Were I ever to use it public I should baste it a little... But what's new? every birthday dress has been too big.


My winter look. Sexy.

But now I know I must loose weight. It's not the tummy, but the hips, not nice. Luckily I use tight clothes, so it doesn't show so much. Less chocolate, maybe 3 times a week, better make it 4 times I'll buy in contrast to every day as it's now. And my nemesis, carbohydrate. I mean really. How is it possible to eat less spaghetti and rice, when they are the bases of every meal? And bread. I love wheat bread! Gosh, if I only had a boyfriend already this problem would be solved.



What next? Oh yes, the thesis. Not working!!! It's a piece of shit! Now Im thinking of Elgin marbles, but my professor's not happy and no one else. I sure as hell am not going to do it of aestethic idiotic stuff for which I'm too stupid or of some Priapos and phallos loving Payne Knight (yeah, thanks for the tip, prof. You're weird). What to do? Not asking my school friends, who were the only ones not to congratulate me. I mean how hard is it to click like in FB? BOOO!

Oh yes, now you can watch in live me opening my present. It's pink and has pearls around it. Argh, the paper has bee nglued together! And taped to the box! Hahaa, freedom! It's Californication s2 dvd! What a surprise, since I made the choise in the shop myself! But it's like the best birthday present ever! Our family doesn't do the birthdays, since they are so close to christmas for my sister also. I bought myself a "present" also. I was hoping to get some of my friends here or to la fiesta or something out, so I bought some alcohol. Well they didn't come. I was asked to see a Holiday in Rome movie to a girl I don't like much and a cat I like even less. The movie is horrible and the girl is on a diet without alcohol, meet, grains, anything good, so I stayed home, watching Lark rise to Candleford and drinking my chocolate-milk-mintchocolate-cream with etanol. Heaven!!! It was spot on! There's still some left, but only because I'm out of cacao and milk and outside is incredibly wet! (Yes, the 2m's snow has turned into 2m's of slush).So in your faces, cunts! Especially since I just tried to take pictures of how much fun I had, all by myself and failed miserably. Some people just don't photograph well, I suppose. I mean, I'm not very hideous when I look into the mirror, although My face is fat... That's really unfair. Some weight 200kg's and don't even have double chin, I had one when I was anorexic!But now I leave you to drink that etanol cream, yammy!


And that's our cat eating with it's fingers.

Brand new year

Ciao!
It's 4th of January, already! I should be brisk and ready for new year after 2 weeks of resting home, but I'm incredibly tired, ever since I came back to my student appartement. Damn you after christmas sales! Yesterday I wenr over and over around the draper's shop searching fabric to bedspread and shirt, but I ended up buying a strange looking fabric of mustard yellow, about 1,2X2m. What the hell I'm going to do with it? Worst part is that it's full of holes... Now it's outside in frost to all the animals in it to die. Well, it's ok, it was supposed to cost 5€ but I ended up paying 2,75. It's lovely, so soft, so soft...

And unfortunately has baroque ornaments, which I have too much! I need to delete that stuff from my room. I've been putting fabrics, curtains, scarfs, table cloths on my walls and it's so beautiful, but alas, so boring in the face of brand new year.


Now I'm gonna list all the christmas presents. I must say, I was quite hopeless after last year's fiasco, one fucking dvd (which unfortunately ended up being quite invigorating), salmiac (Finnish candy with liquorice and salt, my favourite but certainly not a christmas delicacy), and once more a pastry brush. I decided that if I got one again this year, I would throw it through a window. But I didn't get one. I got chocolate, chocolate, chocolate, and also set of warn underware, which apparently was quite common gift, us having -30c this christmas, hurrah! Then I got external dvd drive, because I had broken my internal and was too lazy to get it fixed, maybe my computer doesn't hotten up so much any longer... My father gave me a calendar, which incredible banknote in between. Hope it's still there... The calendar has pictures of forest nature, quite boring, but always better than the alternative with tractors. Sister got one with baby animals, spoiled little animal herself... No no that's not true! She didn't give me anything last year, but my did she compensate it this year. I only gave her book, Praise of folly by Erasmus of Rotterdam, some instant chocolate coffee and 3€ dvd of stupid college kids. The reason was she is writing (or trying) her master's thesis, and with 20% she might understand the joke and actually find it amusing. 80% she would kill me, but I took a change and it payed off! She on the other hand gave me The imaginarium od doctor parnassus or whatever dvd, Prode and prejudice and zombies or whatever book, and a toaster. A Toaster!!! Hurrah for her!


I came back here on Sunday, and found that I have a new roommate. I fastly put my new toaster on kitchen table so that s wouldn't put her's there. It would be stupid to have two, and to keep mine on box. But my biggest fear was that she would toast her bread there first. Is there nothing worse than lose the change to use your own machine first? That's against the freedom of individuality!