Lysistrate, that is perseverance of mind

This habit of mine, crying in every occasion when something happy happens in a book/film, is really getting out of hands. That's why I desided to start a strike or a fast against all romantic, erotic and so on literature and films and especially thought. It's going to be really tough even if it's only one week. I was dying on Easter when I had to be 4 days without masturbating, and even tougher a week ago, when we figured out that the ice hockey team of which country's music I listened always won. Fucking Basshunter kept going on in my head all weekend... It's easier to not actually do something, but with music on one's head you have to actually stop your thoughts! Horrible... But I did it! I listened Finnish music for 3 days and we won!!!


Here's the book that inspired my stike. Tapestry of Fionavar, IloveitIloveitIloveit!

So it's going to be hard week for me. After I made the decision, I tried to think something else to think. What do people think? Gosh, they have to think something, it's not possible for all the world to think sex 24/7... I hope my fasting will help me in two ways. Maybe I learn not to connect every male into a possible lover, and maybe my stopping to be desperate will bring them to me! Anyway it'll help me not to get so upset not to have a boyfriend and spoil every happy moment with thinkig how much better it could be.


No more this for me; He Knew He Was Right will stay on shelf until Sunday...

Another problem. When I was walking I started to think what does my fast contain. Only movies and books, or also thoughts? And only erotic/romantic movies or all from which I have out of place thoughts? What about music which makes me euphoric? Basically do I deny everything that makes me feel good? Well, I looked at my tummy and decided to add to the list NO CHOCOLATE for one week, except one bar to last for one week (cold turkey doesn't work for me). And jogging so long until my feet give up, it feels good and I don't have energy to think rude thoughts.

Will be nice first holiday (unemployment) week!

Embarrasing dream

Very well. I'll tell it. T'was too embarrasing to tell to my friends, and even to the other protagonist of that dream, but maybe the whole world is trustworthy enough. The world is famous of it's sensitiveness.
Actually there's nothingh to tell, I know why I had it and it made me feel good, so so what?! I just went to the home of an italian girl and took my clothes of and then that girl came in, also without clothes, and then her possibly italian boy(friend) and then another boy. And the whole plot was for me to invent a good enough reason to explain my being in there, naked... Maybe the more embarrasing thing was to meet her today, they have a habit of hugging and kissing, fanntastic! No action in teh dream, alas.

The more ackward moment today: how to get out of a building, when the front door is crowded by a faculty, which you have cowardly abandonned? Classics are really scary people! There was a girl who came to ask me who to find another route, because she didn't want to pass them. Especially the alcoloh it their glasses was a sign of danger. One could have got a CIL on one's head! [=Thickest books mankind has created, could not find a picture.]

Speaking of thick books, I borrowed Sword Shannara Trilogy in one edition. Mistake! It's impossible to read in bead, it flattens one's head when arms get tired.

On Monday was Finnish Independence Day. I wondered a long time what would be better name for it. Birthday od Finland? No, Finland's like a thousand years older (than 93). Birthday of Republic? No, Governing was democratic from the end of all-Russian General Strike in 1906. Maybe birthday of independence? Finland wasn't united before Sweden occupied it in 13th century. That's it! Now that rings a bel... damned! That's the official name! Like I've said, University doesn't require brains!


The Miracle of Winter War, oh la la!

Short history of Finland: Stone Age: people from Ural mountains, then from germanic and Scandinavian tribes. Nice, tribal living until evil Sweden decides to make crusades and take Finland. Little slow livind as buffer against Russia until Napoleon wants Russia to attack Sweden, through Finland of course. 1809 Occupated by Russia, but actually gained autonomy which was never here during the Swedish! Then, Russian revolutions in 1917 and Independence through our Government on 6th of December. Then civil war. Quite funny, Independence is celebrated by Second World War movies! Victory over Russia strengthened our independence (or did it?...Kekkonen...) What was I trying to explain?

Finnish cultural tradition: unlike probably all other nations Finland celebrated independence day in a grave mood. War movies, military parades, candles to the grave of unknown soldier (of 2nd WW, first WW was civil war, too biased). One thing I like is 2 white and blue candles in window. Only again I noticed me living in too a leftist hippie and middle eastern area, my window was the only one with candles. I'm Finnish and I won't change my nationality. Finnish passport is good enough, actually at least better than some Norwegian Nato passport.



For the finish, I'll tell you that on Wednesday we went to Åbo Svenska Teater, The Swedish language Theatre in Turku to see les Miserables. Both me and my sister agree that Jean Valjean was shite, and Javert ( and Gavroche) stole the show. Cool in this is that I desided it before I knew that Valjean actor was Swedish! Don't know why they had to import singers from Sweden, maybe there's no male sopranos in Finland... Sorry, that was incredible racist! Shame on me! But why can't there be male sopranos, I'm tenor though I'm a girl. But Valjean was in his own class when considering looks. Finnish are a bit... Good musical, although our seats weren't the best our money DID buy and the scene was quite small. But at least we got to taste Finnishswedish Glamour!

La vita di Casanova

I read an article about a specific hobby; men. The writer seemed to be ashaimed of her hobby, but why? Isn't that what men do? If you see a beautiful male, why shouldn't you admire it? Some parts of the article were concerned with collecting men, quite funnily put. Why is it, that men who sleep with a lot of women is concerned as king, amazing guy with respect of all, even women, but a woman with same qualities is a whore, according to both sexes? And blah blah feminist rage...

But you can enjoy men just by looking. After getting acquainted with the subject he may be quite repulsive, or at least boring. And, of course he might not like you (OMG!). I myself have this hobby and I'm not even secretive. Everyone who cares knows that I like goodlooking guys (this actually isn't funny. Everyone thinks they know exactly who I am. Most of the times they are right, which is ifuriating!). From the shelter of my childish looks and ugliness I have almoust complete peace to observe young gents. In fact, that's the only reason I watch tv. I am an aesthet, even though I may wish to be somewhat more moral or romantic person... But at least it's better than being realist, whish I thought I were.



What it all comes down to is that I'm a scared little shit. Good thing of looking good looking (or people who I think are nice) is that sometimes those look back. I'm not exactly sure how it happens, but either it's some cosmic force (of true love) or then they know what's on my mind and they want to take it where ever they can find it. You know the drill, you screen the dance floor, and suddenly your eyes meet somebody's deep stare and you smile to each other. Then comes the running competition. Can you get to hid in toilets before he comes to talk to you? Because this is how it's supposed to go, isn't it? There's no way you can let the man of your dreams to see how stupid and mute and tease you are. You must keep the dream alive so you can go home and use that for something...



Here's some speciments I've sight over a few days. First one is Olivier Sitruk, lovely, lovely French actor who I saw as Boy Capel in Coco Chanel series. I did hate beards, but not after him! Couldn't find nice picture of that one... The next is mr Tom Riley, as (angrily spitting) Wickham. And the scene is actually best scene of him in Lost in Austen - tv-series, which by the way wasn't stanger for male beauty in other respects too. Fantastic! Must say that I liked him the best from the very beginnig... I've been building this little fantasy between him and Mary (Mary however looking like somebody I know...) Hahaa, again a blogtext mom would be proud!