I don't like this new Blogger profile

And then to other news: This has been quite a week. Last of April and first of May are not ordinary Finnish days. People drink and yell and laugh and generally have fun. I have been part of that only once. The Vappu 2006, first year of university. It was amazing, and the most important reason why I grieve the loss of my old computer and pictures. They were a proof, that I have lived, that I have actually had fun, even if it was only for 2 days. Before I went to Aberdeen, I had some of the worst times ever, but also really good times. I had friends, who invited me to parties, and I found myself to be an integral part of a small group, which was something I would've never thought could happen to me. Then I went to exchange and broke my computer, into which I had been stupid enough to leave all my photos, even though music I had put into a memory stick. When I came back, there was no one left. Nobody spoke to me. I'm completely alone. I don't even have photographs to prove what happened before. Maybe it's better, maybe now I can forget and stop being jealous for myself. But I'd still want them back.

Wrong subject; I was supposed to speak this Vappu. Well, finally, after many years of trying I found a person to accompany me to celebrations. So on Monday we went to put our student caps on and watch the washing of a naked lady, and on tuesday we went for a picpic and after to funfare. I even got my sister to join us, which I had been trying to do for ages. And then on Thursday we finally managed to go to a party, thank God because it was Farewell Party, last one this year. And on Friday shopping. All in all, really busy, lot of walking and tired, tired, tired.

The only problem was, that I was really depressed, quite frankly pissed off the whole week. I don't even know why! It happens in certain time of the month, but it wasn't that time. The only conclusion I made was, that I just don't want to be happy. I don't really want what I think I want. Even though I had wished for the whole year to get my sister and Nada together (the only friends I have), I wasn't happy; they started to talk and talk, I have it really hard to speak when I'm alone with one of them, but when they start to talk to each other, not even needing me to answer, No change. Besides my shortness gave problems...

And in the fare I wanted to go to machines, I went into one, but couldn't do it again, I didn't realise how much it scared me, and it made me so ashamed, not actually scared, just mortified how pathetic I was. And the there were these 2 young dudes standing in front of me. Sister and Nada were worried that they bothered me. How sad little girl they think I am not to be able to handle a few 14 years olds with their baby brother with them?!

What else to complain... On Wednesday I was just lying in bed whole day and Thursday everything was going bad. My only experience of a vomit hangover was when I hadn't drunk so much, just really pissed off at everybody. So I was truly waiting for the worst, but I had to go; I had been waiting for it for the last 3 and a half years, I must go. So I went; and it was ok; I was really rusty in dancing, and I was a bit upset, my friend having boyish hair and clothes, me wearing high heels and deep cleavage, and she getting all the attention, but as the evening went on, I got a few followers too, so it wasn't a complete waste of time. All's alright now, I feel ok. I would like to have a job, though...