Nobody

Now prepare: I will feel sorry for myself once more!
Today, (or yesterday) was St Patrick's day. Should be fun, but... First I saw a show with an injured cow which had to be shot, and that started me thinking about our sweet dog, Risto Paha, who about 10 years ago was driven over by our neighbour and left to the field to suffer until in the evening he had the courage to tell us, but it was too late. He had to be put down. He was funny dog, half badger dog and half beagle; he was like a metre long sausage! Now I cry again...

But better to cry about that than the second thing. I mean I know a lot of Irish music, I play tin whistle. And I was in Scotland and stuff. Most of my friends, I know, are really interested about those two things. And what really hurts me is that no one asks me about it, nobody cares. Why they rather read a book or something than ask me, their friend?! I mean I kept my visit to Paris as a secret from my family, when I was back home, because nobody asked me what I had been doing and where I had been. They say they didn't want to bother me, because I didn't seem to want to talk. It seems incredible that people can't understand that someone would like to feel wanted. One girl, who I thought was a good friend, hadn't even noticed that I had been a year away! So much for friendship. I really hate the thing when people say, it's really nice to see you, we should meet and go for a coffee or something. Nowdays I've started to answer to that: yeah right... Maybe that's not such a good idea, but I want them to understand not to speak stuff they don't mean. The whole truth is not always such a good idea, but don't lie. Raising hopes is much worse. You cunts. I'm much happier lying here on my floor alone writing a blog text about you in the middle of the night.



Oh, and that reminds me couple more complaints. I met a nice italian girl, from whom I tried to fish an invitation to a party, whish she had like 4 times a week. I felt my world collapsing, when I saw from fb that she had had a party with like 100 people, whom she certainly didn't know all, and at least 20 finnish. Nobody would even have noticed me in there, then why not?!! Another time I decided to act myself. I tried to organise an evening out, but half of the people were sick and then the others found out, I was the only one they would meet, they became tired. The next time, the other way around, the third, they were all sick... After that I didn't try any more... I chose to be a tutor because Im so lonely and that was the only way for me to meet people, when I had to talk to people. And now, this term, I wasn't even given any. Brilliant! Society's way of saying, it doesn't matter how much you try, I
you don't fit, then you don't fit.

I will continue of Barcelona soon!

The world and its peculiarities

Awful, awful news from Japan! There was an earthquake just off from the coast, which killed some, then the inevitable tsumani and now the nuclear danger. I watched the film with water, not so deep looking, moving towards inland and was absolutely horrified how something so small can be so powerful, it just went on no matter of the trucks and buildings in front of it. And the cars trying to escape... I really hope the news agents made sure they made it before filming it. And then, finally, the nuclear plant explotion. I did last year my bachelor's thesis about hibakusha memories. One, I'm really grateful I'm not writing it now, two, it's quite strange Japan has these plants.

It is strange how people, in absolutely terror, want to read more these horror stories, and see pictures, if there's any dead people. I'm the same, I went through all newspapers wanting to read every piece of info. Maybe one thinks, that the knowledge makes one more at ease, that there's nothing horrible that he/she doesn't know. But is it so? I certainly don't want to know when I'm gonna die, and that's why I refuse even play fortuneteller. But I mean I believe that humans will destroy themselves and if not, the Earth will if we live against nature. These two disasters, the Earth made them. It could have been made safe, if people wouldn't live near dangerous areas (speaking from the safety of Fennoscandia...). But at least in volcanic islands people have made the decision to have fruitful soil. I don't know the reasons of Japanese, but at least they know how to build their houses to stand the eartquakes. But the problen is human building. We think we are so clever that we can harness the nature. We will make our own doom. I mean every second we destroy the land in which the food grows. How stupid can one be?! I blame money and its abstract power over people (again, partial, unemployed person speaking).



I'll end this with prayers for Japanese and the whole world. We are people. We make mistakes but that makes us people, because we can also learn. Don't be too hard on us.

Greetings from Catalunya

Now I'm home, finally! I don't remember being happier arriving in my stident flat before! I thought I would quickly summarise the trip. I left on monday, after a job interview (from which I still have no answer). I was really nervous in airports, in both Helsinki and Barcelona, because I had no idea what to do. I had to show my passport only once! I just walked straight through... Thank you Shengen and your liberties, really scary. In airplane I noticed, that I had forgotted my mobile pin code. Niice, now I didn't have music, and I had promised to call my mother. I heard the whole time I was abroad Where was plain disaster movies in tv...



In BCN my hostel was in Barri Gòtic, just in the next street of Cathedral. Also I noticed it was really short distance everywhere. I also liked the shops being open until 10 pm. The next day was sunny, although in Ciutat Vella there was no sun because tall stone houses. I just walked around, trying to find shops. I didn't go to beach, too far to walk... To Sacrada Familia I went, thanks to my mother, and miserably go tlost in the area, in the dark, too scared to look a map terrified to be thought as tourist, who could be robbed. The next day I packed lunch and desided to go to Parc Güell. The clouds emerged but I went anyway. Good thing because the next day it was raining. I walked almoust to the to pf the hill, but just before the end turned back. Then I hurt my knee. First I just thought "shit", but now I think, that I had walked down the same distance it would have taken to walk to the top, so maybe it was planned for me to have been injured at the top. What would have happened then? Would my principe azul have rescued me? Not funny. I had thought to go to Montjüic as well, but now I just jumped to hostel and rested.



The last day, as said, was rainy. But luckily warm rain. I walked to shopping centre at the harbour, visited museum of the history of Catalunya and museum of Catalunyan art and then waited with 50 very wet tourists for the light and music show of Magic Fountain. Didn't happen. If I'm not scared of rain, why would the fountain be?!!! Finally the next morning I started to go towards Placa Catalunya, got lost and was again in harbour. Already at 9 it was really warm! In airplane I finally saw real mountains, the Alps!!!



Tjis picture honors a movie I like, L'auberge Espanol. It was nice to see the places myself. I was told to read ruiz zafon carlos' book la sobra del viento, but they didn't have it in the library, and I didn't have time to read all the travel guides I had. I think I should have, I wouldn't have had so boring time then. Barcelona really needs friends with you.

¡BCN!

¡En Barcelona,for the second day! Must admid, I liked yesterday night better, although in plane happened the strangest thing. My head over my brow started to hurt really much, and when I pushed it with my finger, it said pfeee. Really scared to go again... Today, first I was delighted, then annoyed, then scared, then pissed off, then got a plan, then went to underground,canhed the plan twice, then lost and scared, and finally found the underground again, then annoyed, then back in Plaza Cataluña, shops still open and alright again. ¡It´s unbelievably cold in here!

diverse person indeed

Today I went to library to get some spanish language music for my trip (2 days!). Unfortunately I missed the right row and got Rammstein, missed the heavy section and found Sash! and Scooter. In the end I got 2 spanishish cd's, e. Iglesias, which I'm not a great fan of, too pop, and spanish rap, which is quite boring after a while (it was supposed to be reggaeton, apparently not). I find learning languages easier when with music, and to keep myself from thinking throwing up in the plane.

Despite my attempt, I'm not yet a sexy thin princess in a dress (damn you flu, and stupid Atkinson!). Luckily there´s like 13c, better to keep coat on. I'm updating quite frequently because I'm so exited. Not so good for the essay I'm supposed to write. One thing that's not helping is the job interview I have just before leaving. I have to have my baggage with me! But maybe I won't be too scared about the interview...

German music

I've found the most amazing song. Maybe I was looking for scottish music, maybe bagpipe (???) or something... not for german anyway. But what I found blew my mind. Highland Cathedral by Ulrich Roever and Michael Korb. Well, one shouldn't be surprised when thinking of Mendelsson's Fingal's cave and stuff, but strange none the less. I especially adore the Royal Scots Dragoon Guards' version. It must have syncopation at the end. And of course drums. (F. ex. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KRacaXCm0UE&feature=related, or slower http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oieFS785QPk&feature=related ).

I love it so much, that I want it to be played at my funeral. That's really an awful thought. I don't want it to be played at my wedding, because it's too beautiful. And so sad, so sad. I want everybody to sing this when they remember me. Not cry oh, she's dead, how sad. But oh my god, it's the most beautiful song ever! She's the song! I'm crying and smiling at the same time! She's dead but she's this song! And that syncope at the end, of course;)



A sad story from Scotland. We were waiting a bus home one night when there came a guy with a kilt. One girl asked, so the story goes, what did he have under his kilt. He showed. Unfortunately I had passed out on a bench (or was it the ground?...). The lesson of this story......... if you lie on the ground, keep your eyes open?....

Problems in paradise

I've got my travel fever back, hurrah! Uno problema though. What the fuck, all the hostels require visa or master?!! In north Europe you don't have to pay anything before you arrive! I only have visa electron, that's why I must use Blue1 and not the cheap planes... This is going to be tricky. I'll be in Barcelona after 8 in the evening, depending how much the plane's late. Not a noce time to search a resting place. Another problem is, that every other reviewer claims a hostel is perfect, an other that it's crap. If a hostel has had bed bugs 3 years ago, is there any still? Especially if it's like 9€? One was the most perfect, but about 10km from centre... And what reservation machine is trustworthy? I've usually reserved straight to hostel, but in sweet Cataluña no hostel accepts bloody electron. And none of my family has visa! Bugger! But hey, it's not so cold in February, is it?



I was also at a meeting of teaching planning... meeting. There was 4 teachers and me. Quite weird... Bet they won't welcome me back! And tomorrow is our student organosation's meeting where I have to deliver my foundings. Greeat. Also tomorrow is a meeting of one contemporary history -course, of which lections I attented only once. I'm such a pro! The teacher loves me so much that he announced in front of the whole auditorium I won't get nice remarks. Well, he didn't say my name, but he looked at me. That what you get for taking a few (5) years off... I still hope I get like 3 or 4 out of 5, but I think it was fun just for his angered face!

And about my thesis, I almost got it finished to show it to the professor and seminar, but then I remembered how fucking amazing my bachelor thing was, and I haven't shown my face at the seminar since