Today, (or yesterday) was St Patrick's day. Should be fun, but... First I saw a show with an injured cow which had to be shot, and that started me thinking about our sweet dog, Risto Paha, who about 10 years ago was driven over by our neighbour and left to the field to suffer until in the evening he had the courage to tell us, but it was too late. He had to be put down. He was funny dog, half badger dog and half beagle; he was like a metre long sausage! Now I cry again...
But better to cry about that than the second thing. I mean I know a lot of Irish music, I play tin whistle. And I was in Scotland and stuff. Most of my friends, I know, are really interested about those two things. And what really hurts me is that no one asks me about it, nobody cares. Why they rather read a book or something than ask me, their friend?! I mean I kept my visit to Paris as a secret from my family, when I was back home, because nobody asked me what I had been doing and where I had been. They say they didn't want to bother me, because I didn't seem to want to talk. It seems incredible that people can't understand that someone would like to feel wanted. One girl, who I thought was a good friend, hadn't even noticed that I had been a year away! So much for friendship. I really hate the thing when people say, it's really nice to see you, we should meet and go for a coffee or something. Nowdays I've started to answer to that: yeah right... Maybe that's not such a good idea, but I want them to understand not to speak stuff they don't mean. The whole truth is not always such a good idea, but don't lie. Raising hopes is much worse. You cunts. I'm much happier lying here on my floor alone writing a blog text about you in the middle of the night.
Oh, and that reminds me couple more complaints. I met a nice italian girl, from whom I tried to fish an invitation to a party, whish she had like 4 times a week. I felt my world collapsing, when I saw from fb that she had had a party with like 100 people, whom she certainly didn't know all, and at least 20 finnish. Nobody would even have noticed me in there, then why not?!! Another time I decided to act myself. I tried to organise an evening out, but half of the people were sick and then the others found out, I was the only one they would meet, they became tired. The next time, the other way around, the third, they were all sick... After that I didn't try any more... I chose to be a tutor because Im so lonely and that was the only way for me to meet people, when I had to talk to people. And now, this term, I wasn't even given any. Brilliant! Society's way of saying, it doesn't matter how much you try, I
you don't fit, then you don't fit.
I will continue of Barcelona soon!
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