My plan is to do some shit this autumn and then search every place to find an apprendiceship. Tried last spring already, but didn't get any. Maybe I reached too high, tried to get in Finland's London and Paris cultural embassy, riiight, 3000 applicants... But one is certain, I can't study whole next year, this summer was again summer school. Plus I need money! Goverment student money ends in 6 months and then I have nothing and I must move home, where there's no jobs available.
To sum it all, I'm in shit. My mom's in shit, my grandmom and -dad are gone, this has been one sick summer. And I don't have any friends!!! Okay, don't go there again. You're own fault. Even my grandmother, the alive, asked my mother do I have a problen with her and the (now dead) grandfather, because I'm so scared of them to speak. Plus I wanted them to understand I was depressed when I wasn't speaking. Obviously didn't work... So in the end I'm alone. My mom always says everything will be ok, wait 6 months... HELP ME! Plus the girl who asked me to go to Europe, hasn't said anything after I answered yes please.
Everyone has these kind of days. This should clear the air, if not, it will be autumn soon, the season of new beginnings, new students and possibly friends, and most of all the incredible smell of autumn. My favourite season!
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