Drinking from the Grail

Today I found amazing song. I don't know what it is, it's sung in English, but I can't really make out the lyrics. It's really simple, just C-A-F-G on piano all the time, and some fineries. But often simplest is the most effective. Especially for me, who's into stong base line. And then I went into facebook and saw my friend had written something to me. I'm still too scared to read and possibly ruin it so I don't know for certain what it was she wanted, but it started with traveling plans, and I wish, nay, I Pray she's asking me to leave with her. I've had so much shit this year, I've been all alone and school's went bad and health of course down. so when I read the note, and listened the song, I walked two steps, fell on my knees and cried. ---



This little dramatic act has been my saviour often. It takes away the pain in misery and boosts up the happiness in joy. Mostly, like 80% of it is an act. I deside now I feel like falling on my knees. But when I deside to stand and start walking my knees just give up almost automatically. And the crying is just wrong. That's not what I want, but I gather the emotion, on purpose, so much that it finally takes over. Why it's so amazing is because normally I have such selfcontrol. I don't talk, I don't defend, I don't say my opinions or show emotions (except laughter). It's such a pleasure to be dramatic on one's own home! And of course it's what ladies were doing in historical times, swooning and so on, as a mark of femininity. Such a nice little play of a fine lady. I wish everybody could experience this. Lots get fits of anger, maybe even fits of passion. But to hear a song and have a fit of such a joy it makes you fall really makes you believe in goodness of world. But don't cry. It makes your eyes and head hurt.