The year's reflection

Now it's Easter, and also the anniverary of me living in this flat. I didn't want to go to bed yet, so I put some music. I desided to put Hollywood Hills by Sunrise Avenue (the only one worth listening, in my opinion, haters can hate). This was because I listened it from radio a year ago, and when my mother and sister came to visit at Easter, my sister liked it too (which is always the mark of something good...) With that memory I started to think, what is different now, a year later. Has my life progressed in any way?



At first the answer was no, my life's in excactly the same position as before, only year less time to fulfil it. But Then I made a return to reality. A year ago I knew that I had work the next summer. I had also visited Rauma for the first time and seen that it's very beautiful. But I didn't know what it was like to wake up almost every morning and leave to work when other, grown up people went to work, and get home from work and relax. I also didn't think I could leave at 7am and get back at 8pm for 2 months without problems. I'm really proud of that.



One thing I didn't know one year ago was, that I had been chosen to Roman course. I didn't know that I would spend the first holiday free of summer exams studying to Rome. I also didn't know that I would phone mom and sister yelling the news from balcony just that everyone, and especially that cute boy next door would hear about it and would gratuate (of course they didn't). They didn't know that I would also put a big sign saying ROMA to my wall just to announce the news for everyone looking in.
I didn't know I would go to Rome, walk around, be in a 34c in October, visit mountain monastery, go Galleria Borghese and Tivoli.

Today, when I was resting (sleeping) I started to see in my mind the view from Terracina. I felt that it would be my view of dreams, blue blue sky, green water far away below, the sky and sea touching each other with no other sing except the sun's reflection; white cliffs and strong wind trying to blow you to sea. I have always loved autumn because its strong winds and I love to go standing on a hill, but that was so extreme!



Of course Nada is amazing, but she's the only new girl I have got to know this year. Also I had little foresight that I would be the president of Museion, but I didnät know it would be so hard. Not the doing but the ordering. Gosh if I could sack my board, cabinet whatever it's called, I would've done it months ago.

But those two things I guess make the year worthwhile, maybe even progressing my life.

My childhood educator

A few days ago I desided to make a new desktop picture, for I've had the present for 2-3 weeks, and it's not made by me! So I wrote to google "period drama", and started to look at the pictures. When this one popped up, ( I don't remember which one of these)















the first thought in my mind was 'Oh my God it's me!'. That was really weird, for I don't look at all like her. But that was my initial reaction.

I've been thinking about my inability to be with people, you know, thinking that people come to me, and the worse I behave the more others like me. I mean Gilbert came back to Anne. Why don't my boys come back to me after I've asked them to disappear?
What I think is the reason is, that maybe my mom made a mistake to introduce me with this kind of literature. Of course the alternative would've been forest work with my gloomy dad, but at least he's a real person, not an invented caracter from a hundred years old Scottish children's book. Apparently my alter ego Anne of Green Gables has taken over even my perseption of my body. No wonder I all but throw up when in the mirror there's a person with fat face, achne, deep setted small pig eyes and the most bushiest of eye brows. There, that's who I am. Or am I, if I don't feel like it?

In the end, God did Anne have a wonderful life?! I mean look at it!

Winter evening

Hah, it happened again! Now I guess it'll be no longer an accident, but a fact. I don't go to parties. The heaven for me would be drinks, shouting, singing, music, dancing, talking, embarrasing truths, strange places to wake up and easy breathing. Yesterday was a party. A party in which I was invited to, by a person I don't necessary like but a person who likes to drink, dance and stuff. In her place it always smells weird and she has that killer cat, but anyhow, I wanted to go! There was people, maybe a bit different, but to mend that I was planning to bring there my Offida vine. There most likely would have been a girl I liked, and maybe a boy I kind of liked and who had liked me and that was a change for him to remember what was so likeable about me. And a possibility of having a boy, whom I've seen in courses and stuff and it would have been a change for him to get to know me. But, in the end, I didn't go. The reason, after having my dinner I would only had 2 hours before, and my stomache would have hurt to be in a rush.


Christmas presents for the familii

Yes, I really am a cunt. Fucking idiot. Like I have some kind of a problem of being perfect or happy. Like twelve years ago in flute lessons I always played everything a little badly, in case the teacher thought I was good, better than I actually was, and expected too much. When I translated a few years ago Cicero's letters. I did a few mistakes in every letter, so that the teacher would't think I was a natural or something. I guess that's the reason why I have never, from 7 years old, spoken in class. What I said to myself, if I answered in the question I knew the answer, I would've been speaking the whole time, and nobody else wouldn't be able to show their talent. And, of course, I didn't want to be the nerd loser. But if you have been teaching to stifle yourself your whole life, how can you start having conversations in seminars?
The annoying part is, that in exams and essays I absolutely must have the very best result, why settling for good if there's a possibility of being the best? Why settling for anything, that's quitting, not caring?


Roomie, and my favourite colour isn't red...

I've been fighting to get a social life. Really fighting. That's why I joined the student organization, became it's president and have been 3 years iternational tutor. Now I desided it's not necessary over but on a break. From now on I will concentrate on school and work, if I can find one. It's not working. When I concentrate on finding friends, not only is it failing but my school is also suffering. So if I study hard, I'll get better marks, teachers start to like me again, I'll have a change to get a job. And being so happy and radiating the good feeling around people will start to be drawn to me and think this is a person worthy of getting to know. And if not, I'll start fighting again. At this point it's useless.

Francois

I finished my first French language novel!!! To celebrate it, I chose Tchaikovsky's Romeo and Juliet theme to the background for that proposal scene required for any good book. That made me smile! The first book wasn't Camus, Proust or even Moliere, French lit is hard enough in Finnish. The book was Persuasion, by Jane Austen. I'm not apologising my choise; it would've been too hard to read totally new book, altough it would have been better not to have known every line by heart... This way I started reading English books, the first one was Anne Brontë's Agnes Grey. The second reason was the small French section of our library. Final was the subject. Damn if I gonna read a stupid book! That's why I started translating 4 years ago, and still going, Virgil's Dido and Aeneis instead of Cicero's some stupid prosal thingy. I rather read difficult but interesting than easy and boring.



I've been ill, annoying almost ill but not quite. This weekend I've been lying in bed, hopefully next week I'm alright. But it hasn't prevented of being nice weekend. Yesterday, was quite fantastic. I had dreamed in the night about 3 boys, in separate dreams of course, what were you thinking?! Knowing that it's not difficult to guess how I spent my day, especially when I had seen, by change, in the morning a programme the Cup, in which a football team gets a new coach, one Emmanuel Leconte.
Le Roi Francois 1er de France dans ma tête tout le jour et la nuit, oui!



And one thing I was thinking in a toilet today, while I was washing my hands, what were you thinking?! It came to my mind that I'm actually quite innocent, in a good way. I remembered how I jumped to my knees and grinned like a mad person, when I read the final chapter of Persuasion and thought, that I don't think my mother would have done the same. Actually, if I had been in love, broken hearted, in love, broken hearted again and again, and finally been living with a guy a few years and now having a baby, like so many at my age, I don't think I would've done that. You may be happy and smiling after a good result, but you would've seen so much that it wouldn't turn your life so much. So even if I'm unexperienced to the desperation I still have that innocence what gives me drive to find my own. I've noticed before, that when I smile, I do it to the max. My sister, usually she just smiles, you can rarely see even her teeth. I often wonder does she think things are funny, is she only pretending? My granmom or somebody once said that when I was little I was always laughing but now I'm only quiet. After that I've tried to find that side back. But anyway, if you like something I don't see the point in playing it down. My sister says she hates public showing of love, like hugging and kissing. I think the world is awful place enough without knowingly supressing happiness.

BD girl

Gianicolo e Lante

Today was my birthday. I celebrated it with no school work. I also enjoyed some mint and chocolate liqueur, and now I feel little odd. I had lunch with a friend and came home to finally organise the Rome pictures to internet for other course members to see. I also finalised the music video (yes, I make a lot of videos) of Barcelona, it's not been long, 9 months...


Tivoli

So all in all, it's been nice enough a birthday. Usually I'm really depressed, but last night I listened some songs, Take On Me and Power of Love and watched scenes from Back to the Future and Breakfust Club, and understood that maybe my birthday year wasn't so bad after all. And it's finally snow here! People are talking of -16c, I'm not believing it, because I haven't been cold. I finally can use my beautiful winter clothes, like white coat and knee high high heel boots.


Terracina

Tomorrow starts school, and I've desided to finally do some proper work. I would like to get at least Batchelor's degree before summer. But maybe I have a little too much work on my plate, well we'll see. Maybe this is the only way to get work. No way of getting a job if I have time to do it, apparently...


Pompeii

Tomorrow, spanish, french oral (if I find the courage), library to get some books to look the covers, trying to plan student union meeting (yes, I prepare to be the worst president ever, but I didn't vote for me), and grocery store would be nice enough, I'm a wee bit hungry...
And for the end, here's some Italy pictures:


Subiaco

Christmassy

Christmas blog starting...
Once more Christmas is over. Three fighting filled days with four days trying to forget the anger so that people don't blame me for ruining christmas (2 years ago 7 days of fighting, not funny at all, although I was right!). Why the fight? The same reason that all fights after I came back from Rome; the DVD player that my mom refuses to fix and doesn't let me fix either, and that bloody book researche thingy! After yelling my mother finally took the player to the shop, from where a new one will possibly come ib 2 weeks. That's quite brilliant because someone in this building has started to watch internet tv and mine works now only before 1pm. Only problem is that I'm in Turku, and I won't go home to get the player before summer. About the book, mother swore about information she had found from the archives. I wanted to make sure because, because she's really smart, she hadn't marked the archive numbers to the notes. Well, there wasn't any information, my mom can't read apparently. Luckily I was able to make a fool out of "her" by yelling in the middle of the office!



That wasn't my real reason here. The real was that I watched Skins season4. Just now I finished the last 2 episodes, and trying not to make spoilers, I was shocked. I keep repeating What the fuck, ans I don't understand. How can you end a season like that?!! What makes it worse is that now they show the 5th season with totally different cast. Cunts. Buut anyways, I've been wondering Freddie. For some reason he looks to me Indian(?!) but as the wikipedia (and surname) tells us he's Italian. Weird... One reason may be his sister, who looks Indian to me. Well actually she's partly Filipino. My race radar seems to be as rotten as my famous gay radar. A guy can go to gay parade and see Lady Gaga, and take us to the best gay club in town, and still be just a little eccentric heterosexual art historian, right?



I was a little worried about the DVD player, because I was sort of worried I would get a DVD for present. I had been raving over the 2002 Count of Monte Christo and just a week before Christmas over 3rd season of Robin Hood. Well, as it turned out, my fears didn't come true. I got a stresstoy cranate, which is awful. I pressed it once and it drome me grazy! I estimate it to have a lifespan of one week before I tear it to pieces with my teeth. Then I got decoration lamps to my window. Good because I only had three before. (Electric pollution!). But I guess I can't complain, I gave everyone underpants.

Nordic power!

Last week I accidentally found myself reading comics by Humon. Scandinavia and the world. It's quite fantastic! Quite a lot of stuff about Denmark's and Norway's relationship, about which I don't know much. But Humon's danish (I think) and so it's forgiven. Some stuff about Finland are quite weird, but of course she doesn't know so much about Finland. Nordics are not so much in contact with all neighbours.
Unfortunatelly, (for my neighbours) some stuff are spot on. At present I know nothing funnier than FennoSwede (finnish nationality with swedish mothertongue). HILARIOUS!!!
http://satwcomic.com/raising-children

That's soo how we fennofinns think of fennoswedes to be, so happy and smiling all the time! Finnish guy has always his knife with him, I guess it's ok, especially the not talking part, but please be our friend anyways!
We might think that the swedes are a bit gay (they are smiley and helpful) but this Humon joke might be some manga Yaoi thing. Do other nordics think Danemark and Norway have a homosexual relationship? I don't know, I haven't thought about it. I know few norwegians but no danish.

What was quite shocking was the hatred of Åland (finnish island with Fennoswedish inhabitants) towards Finland. Do they really hate us?!! Maybe I don't notice it because I live in finnish-swedish town which is hated by the rest of Finland.



Another new acquitance, Hetalia Axis Powers. It's a manga and anime, which I haven't seen before but really want! The little parts I know about it makes it really interesting, especially the relationship of Finland and Sweden, compared to Humon's version. In Hetalia Finland is Sweden's wife (yaoi). Who is waving the knife, I don't know, but soo want to. Finland apparently speaks alot. Of course that's a bit weird, but I'm open to possibilities!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YCceFIGeNTc
I soo want that vest!!

I guess there was no sense above, but what ever, it's Christmas holiday!